Communication Breakdown

Julie had a checkup at rhe doctor last week.

There are basically two things that make Hannah nervous: doctor visits and the thought of her mama leaving her for even five seconds.

So as I'm sure you can imagine, she was a nervous wreck all day.

Well right before Julie was going to leave for the visit, she sent Hannah and me to Taco Bell because she was craving a taco.

What transpired was 20 minutes of incessant babbling about the doctor (including whether or not Hannah would be accompanying her mama), highlighted by this exchange:

(Before we left)

Hannah: I go to doctor with you mama?

Julie: No, you're going to stay here with daddy.

(Once we left)

Hannah: Mama goes to the hospital?

Me: No, she's just going to the doctor's office for a checkup.

Hannah: They pull Libby out of her belly?

Me: No, Libby's already out of her belly. They're just checking to make sure mama's OK.

Hannah: I go to doctor with her?

Me: No, you're staying with me.

Hannah: We bring Taco Bell to the doctor?

Me: No, we're taking it home.

Hannah: There's a baby in mama's belly?

(This conversation basically repeated itself over and over the entire drive)

I guess you can interpret it that way

We got a White Christmas this year. It suddenly snowed last night and left a nice little dusting.

Hannah and I played in it and had a good time last night and this morning, and then this afternoon drove around to see more of it.

There were still some sporadic flurries here and there as we were driving, until one point when it stopped. Hannah didn't like that.

Well we drove back into some, and here's what she had to say:

"YAY IT'S SPITTING OUT SNOW AGAIN!"

Precious, Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire

Libby gets a bit worn out by her carseat

Felonious

Hannah and I went to Walmart yesterday, and once we finally had all of our stuff she was ready to go home.

Hannah: I wanna go home and see Mama now.

Me: We have to pay for our stuff first.

Hannah: I don't pay for stuff.

Me: In a capitalistic society you exchange something of value for goods and services.

Hannah: I don't.

Me: They'll take us to jail if we don't pay for our stuff.

Hannah (long pause, then very nervously): I go to jail?

Me: Well, you won't. But I will.

Hannah: That's OK.

Sounds tasty

Hannah was playing on the floor this morning when she suddenly started pretending to be baby Jesus.

At the same time, Libby rolled over (at just a month!) so I left the room to brag on Facebook.

Suddenly, Julie yelled for me to come back in Libby's room.

I found Hannah still on the floor, but with a pink blanket wrapped around her a bit like a burrito.

Julie: Tell daddy what you are, Hannah.

Hannah: I'm a baby Jesus hot dog.

Unwanted advances

Me: What'd you do at school today?

Hannah: I kissed Hope.

Me: You did?

Hannah: Uh huh. Her wiped it off.

Me: She wiped it off?

Hannah: Uh huh and I kissed her again.

Me: What?

Hannah: And her wipe it off again.

Me: Oh no.

Hannah: And I kissed her again and her wipe it off again.

Later, while trying to get the story straight:

Me: You kissed Hope?

Hannah: Uh huh. Her didn't like it.

Had a bad day ...

Hannah has a thing lately where any time we go somewhere or do something fun she'll say "I had a great day."

Well, Monday wasn't such a great day. Hannah and I were headed to school in Julie's car, when it blew a tire on the interstate.

I was thinking I was going to have to get it towed, so I called a towing service. The guy wound up coming and changing the tire, so at least I didn't have to do that.

Well the whole time we were waiting Hannah sat in her carseat and watched the Rugrats on Netflix on my iPhone. She would keep asking if we weren't stuck anymore.

Finally, everything was finished, and we were getting back on the interstate. I was thinking of logistical things, so I wasn't really paying attention to her.

Hannah: You had a great day daddy?

Me: Uh huh.

She then kept repeating it, or so I thought, and I kept saying "Uh huh" when suddenly she screamed:

"ASK ME IF I HAD A GREAT DAY DADDY!"

Me: Did you have a great day Hannah?

Hannah (in a singsong voice): Noooooot yeeeeeeeet

At least she admits it

Me: You are a huge drama queen, you know that?

Hannah: Uh huh.

Going meta

Me: I'm about to write about you on the internet.

Hannah: Don't do that!

Not possible

Hannah: Libby needs to get back in your belly for just a minute, mama.

Hmm

I woke up to Hannah shouting:

"I DREW A PICTURE OF YOU DADDY!"

This is it:

There are stores for basically everything these days

Hannah: I like your cheeks mama. What's on them?

Julie: Those are freckles, Hannah.

Hannah: I like your freckles. Where'd you get them, the freckle store?

All-Star

Some highlights from my and Hannah's trip to the Super 6 this morning.

1. On the way to the game, I played "All I Do Is Win" for Hannah on my iPhone. After it was over, this was her response:

"I don't like that song"

2. 15 minutes before the game.

"Have they scored a touchdown yet?"

3. After seeing a boy who was probably about 8 years old running around, Hannah started following.

Me: Come back this way Hannah.

Hannah: But I wanna see the boy.

Me: Come see me over here.

Hannah: But I don't wanna see you I don't like you I wanna see the boy.

4. While leaving the stadium.

"I like your school daddy."

Not sure what was happening here ...

But it's pretty cute.

Girl about town

Me: You wanna do something fun tomorrow Hannah?

Hannah: No, I'm too busy right now.

Disciplinarian

Last week I was changing one of Libby's diapers (which was quite ripe) while Hannah watched.

Me: Whew, that stinks Libby. Your diapers aren't supposed to stink yet!

Hannah: DON'T DO THAT LIBBY YOU CAN'T MAKE STINKY DIAPER YOU GET IN BIG TROUBLE!

Cuteness

Hannah decided to do the "Little Piggies" to Libby's toes. This is how it went.

"This little piggy went to market"

"This little piggy went home"

"This little piggy cried 'WEE WEE WEE'"

"This little piggy went to Target"

"This little piggy went to eat"

(apparently Libby has six toes) "This little piggy went to store"

Truer words have not been spoken

Me: Hannah, come here! Libby has all of mama's attention so I want your attention!

Hannah: Noooooo I don't have attention.

Awww

Libby came today. Hannah was mostly pretty quiet about it, but one good exchange resulted.

A friend of Julie's came by to take a few pictures, and Hannah was there.

Photographer: Hannah, do you have a boyfriend?

Hannah: No, I have Libby.

YES!

Julie: I love Hannah.

Hannah: I love Daddyyyy!

More materialism

We're probably going to have to put Hannah through a Christmas etiquette course.

We went to the mall today to get the Santa visit/pictures out of the way with Libby about to come. Hannah told us she was going to tell Santa she wants two bags of candy and a sleeping bag.

We got to Santa and she was, as always, nervous. After finally taking the pictures and very sheepishly telling Santa what she wanted, we thought we were ready to leave.

We were wrong.

Hannah started weeping uncontrollably. Finally we figured out she thought Santa was going to give her the stuff she wanted while we were there.

After explaining to her repeatedly that Santa doesn't bring the stuff until Christmas Day, we got this pitiful response:

Hannah (sobbing): BUT I WANT MY SLEEPING BAG NOOOOOOOOOOW!

Materialism

Hannah: Where you going daddy?

Me: School

Hannah: Why you go to school daddy?

Me: To learn

Hannah: Why daddy?

Me: So I can get a good job and buy you stuff.

Hannah (jumping up and down): Weeeeeeeeeee stuff!

Literalism, Part Deux

Me: Why don't you pet Mama for a while, Hannah?

Hannah: No! (In a singing tone) Sheeeee's noooot a doooooooooooooog!

More gratuitous nudity

Me: You can't make muffins naked, Hannah.

Hannah: But whyyyyyyyyy?

I can kiss away your pain

"You're my hero, daddy!"

This does not make a father happy ...

Julie and Hannah were going to take a bath together a few nights ago.

Julie decided to get some last-minute things done in the kitchen and told Hannah to go get her clothes off.

A few minutes later, Hannah ran into the kitchen, sans clothes, to tell her mama:

"I'M SUPER NAKED MAMA!"

Pill poppers

Hannah, unlike most children, has always been good about taking her medicine. In fact, she really likes taking medicine.

Well last week she had one of her recurring sinus flareups. I was in the shower one morning when suddenly Hannah came storming in the door.

Hannah: I TOOK SOME MEDICINE DADDY!

Me: Sounds cool.

Hannah: IT'S MY LUCKY DAYYYYYYY!

:Facepalm

Me: Come here Hannah, I want hugs and kisses!

Hannah: No! I want juice.

That is so fetch

Hannah's love of fashion has already been noted, but she's taken it to another level lately. Now she's complimenting us on our clothes.

For instance:

(while wearing a Dodgers hoodie I got while in L.A. in May)

Hannah: I like your hoodie.

Me: You do?

Hannah: Mmhmm, where'd you get it?

(while wearing jeans I've had for as many as 10 years)

Hannah: I like your new pants.

Me: These aren't new I've had these since I was in high school I think!

Hannah: Ohhhhhhhhh ... (long pause) where'd you get it?

I'm not schizophrenic yes I am

Me: All right Hannah I'm getting in the shower.

Hannah: I don't want you to go.

Me: You don't?

Hannah: No, I want you.

Me: No you don't you never want me.

Hannah: I want youuuuuu.

Me: OK well give me a kiss.

Hannah: NO!

Product Placement

We were watching the Back to the Future movies on ABC Family last night. Julie and I were sitting at the table eating, and Hannah was watching on the couch. A Pillsbury crescent rolls commercial came on.

Narrator: Do you have enough crescents?

Hannah: No!

Pepe LePew

Hannah and I were playing on the floor pretending to be swimming in the ocean.

"Help, I'm sinking!" I said.

"I'm stinking too!" Hannah said.

Not even sure how to summarize this one

Hannah's mimi and pops stopped by to take her to Brewton for the night. That led to this exchange.

Pops: Hey Hannah do you want to go to Pops' house?

Hannah: No I wanna stay at my house.

Mimi: Do you want to come to Mimi's house?

Hannah: YEAH LET'S GO!

Literalism

Hannah, Julie and I went to Syrup Sopping Day at Loachapoka on Saturday. We didn't bring enough cash, and Julie sent me on a fool's errand to try to locate an ATM in the very small town. Hannah went along.

Hannah: I wanna ride a horse (they had mules there, which she confused for horses).

Me (realizing we wouldn't be finding anymore money and hoping for the best): I can be a horse do you want to ride the daddy horse?

Hannah: No I wanna ride a real horse.

Hmm

Hannah and I were walking out the door to go to school this morning. I turned to lock it and she ran ahead.

Suddenly, I heard:

"LOOK A SEASHELL!"

I turned to see her trying to pull a mushroom up out of our yard.

After bringing her back inside to wash her hands, she asked me a question.

"That's not a seashell?"

"No, that's a mushroom."

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh."

Different kind of tear

Hannah: Where's mama?

Me: She's at the store, remember?

Hannah: She's cute.

Me: She's cute?

Hannah: Mmhmm I want her to come home I don't like you.

Me: You don't like me?

Hannah: No I don't like you you're not cute.

*Tear*

Hannah (to Julie): You're special.

Julie: Awww, you're special, too.

Hannah: You're special and I love you so much.

More malapropisms

Me (misinterpreting something Hannah said): You want goat cheese on your sandwich?

Hannah: No not goat cheese I want sandwich cheese.

Don't mind me ...

Hannah: I don't like you.

Me: You don't like me?

Hannah: No I lika mama better.

Me: I love you.

Hannah: I love you too.

Me: You love me but you don't like me?

Hannah: No I like mama better.

Submitted without comment

Hannah: I ate a peanut for breakfast!

Julie: That was a doughnut.

Hannah: I ate a nodut!

Me: A doughnut? Yum.

Hannah: Mmhmm I like noduts.

Bark in the Park

There's a dog next door that has on one occasion managed to dig under the fence and get in our yard. Now he's outgrown the hole he dug so he just sticks his head out and stares at us.

The other day Hannah and I were playing in the yard when the dog came out to take a peak at us.

"Look at that dog," said Hannah.

"Let's leave him alone if we get to close to him he'll get upset and sad."

"OooooooKKkkkkkkkk."

So after we'd been playing a little while, the dog really started whimpering.

"That dog is sad," she said.

Not yet, Part Deux

I was giving Hannah a bath when she noticed my wedding ring.

"What's that?" she asked.

"It's my wedding ring."

"I wanna wedding ring."

"No, you don't need a wedding ring."

"I get a wedding ring when I grow up?"

"Maybe."

"I get onnnnnne."

Sad face

I was just about to give Hannah a bath a few nights ago, and gave her a hug and a kiss.

She then made a face and ran her hand across her mouth.

"I wipe off your kisses!" she said, smiling.

Au Contrarianism

Me: Can you say Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar Eagle, HEY!?

Hannah: I don't say that.

I see what you did there

Me: We're going to schoooooool!

Hannah: I don't like school!

Me: WHAT?

Hannah: I LOVE school.

Smacking down my self-esteem, one day at a time.

Hannah: I wanna go see mama.

Me: I like snuggling.

Hannah: I like mama.

Me: What about me don't you like daddy too?

Hannah: I like mama.

Nononononononono

Hannah: I've got a baby in my belly, too!

Julie: Is she kicking you?

Hannah: I've got a boy in there.

Julie: You've got a boy in there?

Hannah: Mmhmm. You've got a boy in there, too?

Julie: No, I've got a girl in there.

Hannah: I've got a boy in there.

Gold, Jerry, gold!

I walked into the living room to find Hannah heartily picking her nose.

Me: You digging for gold, Hannah?

Hannah: (long, confused pause) No.

A few minutes later, I was finishing getting ready in the room when Hannah wandered in.

Hannah: I FOUND GOLD!

To add insult to injury ...

Hannah was talking about a boy she is apparently obsessed with at her preschool. Here's what transpired.

Me: You can't like other boys you can only like daddy.

Hannah: I only like mama.

Rules, rules, rules

Hannah: You're Hannah I'm mama.

Me: Waaaaaaaaaah

Hannah: YOU'RE NOT A BABY NO CRYING!

Awwwww

Julie: You are the best girl.

Hannah: You are the best mama.

You want the fish or the fish?

Hannah and I were playing on the floor before her bathtime last night, when she decided she was going to cook me breakfast.

She asked me what I wanted for breakfast, so I decided to think of some fancy things.

"I want eggs benedict, blueberry blintzes and corned beef hash," I said.

Hannah, being not entirely sure what I had actually said, stood in dazed silence for a moment.

I turned my back when I suddenly heard, "Here you go," and found her throwing a toy cupcake at me.

Fashion Police

Not sure if I've mentioned this, but Hannah is very much a girl.

Ever since she was about 18 months, she's always gotten excited when her mom brings her new clothes.

Today, Julie went to the semiannual consignment sale and found Hannah a couple of dresses.

In the past, her reaction was either to start dancing or eagerly try to get the dress to put it on.

Today, it was much more sweet.

Hannah: "Oh, that's just wonderful."

You see this face?

That is the face of the one thing she thought of throughout our two hours in Jordan-Hare Stadium (aside from food):

"I WANNA GO OUT THERE"

By there, she meant the field.

I'm not sure it's actually this much fun

Last week Julie went for yet another OBGYN visit. Hannah and I stayed home. Once Julie got home, Hannah, having been to a few and seen what goes on there, decided to show her mom what she had just been through.

"Look mama I'm at the doctor."

UPDATE: Official blog wife Julie has pointed out part of this exchange I forgot.

After sitting on the "examination table" for a while, Hannah started talking to her "doctor." Apparently his or her name was Dr. Rainbow.

Snitches get stitches

Sunday we went to church, and it happened to be homecoming day. So we got a nice, free lunch out of the deal.

Well Hannah and our neighbors' daughter, Emma, might as well be clones. They're exactly alike.

So they had been playing a while when Emma's mom finally threatened her with a spanking if the two of them left the room we were in.

Not five minutes later, Emma had run out of the room. Hannah quickly followed.

"YOU'RE GONNA GET IN TROUBLE AND GET SPANKING!"

She then ran back in the room to narc on Emma.

"EMMA WENT OUTSIDE SHE GETS A SPANKING!"

Well that's not very nice

Julie and I were discussing someone's wedding, which Hannah of course overheard.

Hannah: I wanna have a wedding.

Me: No you can't get married you have to stay with me forever.

Hannah: I'll never stay with you.

In which something resembling a conversation takes place ...

Sorry I've gotten a bit behind here. Have been waiting on someone to send some photos from some other stuff we've done and they have yet to deliver.

So Thursday Hannah and I were driving to school. I take her every Tuesday and Thursday morning then head to Auburn, where I usually wind up in the library for a couple hours before my three classes.

So here's what Hannah had to say about things (and, as the title suggests, this is as close to an actual conversation as I think I've ever come with her).

Hannah: I'm going to school and I'll have fun.

Me: Yeah it will be fun, but you'll learn, too.

Hannah: Daddy goes to school, too.

Me: That's right, I do.

Hannah: Does daddy play at school?

Me: No we don't play at my school we just learn.

Hannah: ... (quite long pregnant pause) You learn about letters?

Me (chuckling): Yeah, we learn about letters.

Hannah: I learn about letters, too.

How abstract

Julie (after noticing Hannah was drawing something on her Magna-Doodle): Oh my you're such an artist.

Hannah: I'm not an artist I'm just painting.

Dem Bones Dem Bones Dem Dry Bones ...

Hannah and I were sitting on the couch watching Dora the Explorer this morning, when I decided to grab and tickle her, something she usually enjoys.

Not today.

"NO. DON'T TOUCH MY BONES!"

"THAT'S MY BONES!"

"And I'm humble too"

Hannah and her mom spent a few days with her Granny and Grandpa this weekend.

When she went to bed Friday night, as Mama and Granny tucked her in, here's what she had to say:

"Everybody loves me."

"I make people happy."

More random excitement

I don't do a very good job with our yard. Anyone who knows me would not be surprised by this.

Well today while Hannah and I were walking to my car to take her to school, Hannah just started running around in circles in the yard when she suddenly saw a weed (apparently a butterweed, at least from what I can gather from this).

Immediately she shouted "LOOK A FLOWER I GIVE TO MISS APRIL" (her assistant teacher at preschool).

During the entire drive to school, when she usually babbles incessantly about whatever she's thinking about or worries whether her mom will actually come back to pick her up (she's a worrier), she was mostly quiet as she looked at her "flower."

Well we got to school, and immediately after opening the door into the common area, she saw April across the room, and, unable to contain her excitement, screamed:

"I GOT A FLOWER FOR YOU"

She then waltzed straight up to April and gave her the "flower," and I'm not sure I've seen her that pleased with herself since she first time she pooped in the potty.

Inside Voices

Hannah occasionally has trouble containing her excitement when she sees something that interests her.

Yesterday, Julie took her to Taco Bell, where she saw a man in a cowboy hat and boots, and then proceeded to loudly proclaim:

"LOOK MAMA IT'S A COWBOY!"

Oh, boy

Julie (after Hannah pitched a fit): That is not how you should talk to your mama.

Hannah: You're not mama, you're Julie.

Not yet ...

Julie (on seeing a wedding invitation in our mailbox): I wonder whose wedding this is.

Hannah: I wanna have a wedding

"I make funny faces"

"I'm a funny girl"

Boy, you're gonna carry that weight ...

Hannah has been doing her usual morning routine, writhing around on the floor and turning inanimate objects into cartoon characters.

Just now she found a dumbbell on the floor, and immediately decided it was Boots from Dora the Explorer.

Here's how it all transpired.

"This is Boots."

"Boots is heavy."

(after smacking herself in the face with the dumbbell) "Ouch, Boots hurt me."

Oh, that's all?

Hannah snuck into her room while I wasn't looking earlier this morning. When I finally realized she wasn't with me, I suddenly heard some whimpering.

I called out "Hannah, what's wrong?" She ran out of the bedroom smiling, saying, "I'm the mermaid."

Then, she said "I'm just crying." And skipped away.

She's quite the drama queen.

"Everything looks good"

Julie, Hannah and I went to the doctor today to get an ultrasound for Libby (Due Nov. 22). Hannah watched intently as the ultrasound technician worked Julie over, typed on the computer and showed us the images.

This afternoon, Julie gchatted me to tell me Hannah was giving her an ultrasound, using a few blocks stuck together to rub on her belly, pretending to type on the computer.

When she was done, Hannah simply said "Everything looks good." (the same thing the ultrasound tech said)

Hannah has developed an extremely vibrant imagination over the last year or so. She says and does things that can be both maddening and quite funny. I'll be using this blog to talk about those things. At some point in the not too distant future, the blog will include things Libby says, too.

I'll post some facebook status updates I've made of Hannah sayings soon.