If I Had A Million Dollars ...

Me: Would you buy a zoo, Hannah?

Hannah: No.

Me: What would you buy?

Hannah: Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm ... Rapunzel toys!

Julie: I would buy food for all the hungry people.

Hannah: Like Cookie Monster?

Misstatements

Pops: You want to go watch the parade, Hannah?

Hannah: You can't say that to people, Pops!

Healthy Eating

Me: You need to eat peas, they're the best food Hannah.

Hannah: No, daddy, you silly man!

Reading is Fundamental

Julie, Libby and Hannah were all playing in Libby's room. Hannah was playing her favorite game - running around in circles and babbling nonsense.

Julie: Why don't you read a book to Libby?

Hannah: Because I don't know how to read.

Specificity

Me: Now if we go there you're going to have to be very quiet, OK?

Hannah: Do you mean quiet quiet or loud quiet?

Somewhere, the Tea Party fumes ...

Hannah: Mama, when I'm a mama do I have to go to work?

Julie: If you want to.

Hannah: I don't.

Hitting Close To Home

I've been watching a lot of mid-90s sci-fi shows on Netflix lately. Every now and then Hannah will walk up and see 5 seconds or so of them before I pause them. Today, I was watching Sliders and she saw a few minutes. She then asked:

"Daddy, why do you watch things that are horrible?"

I'm gonna need your TPS reports ...

We had a rough day with Hannah wanting to be in charge yesterday. She got in trouble a few times over it. We kept telling her she wasn't the boss. That night, Julie was putting her to bed.

Hannah: Mama, when I'm older can you teach me to be the boss?

Twew Wuv

Hannah: I'm not going to eat this sucker.

Me: Why?

Hannah: 'Cause I love it!

The Root of All Evil

Hannah wanted to play with some money this morning. Julie told her she couldn't. This led to a fit, and Hannah going into her room. While there, this was what we heard her screaming:

"I WANT MONEEEEEEEEEY! I WANT MONEEEEEEEEEEEY!"

The Sweetest Thing

My mom and dad came by yesterday to see us. I was getting ready to leave for the football game I was covering last night.

Me: I could leave later but last time I got there late and had to park somewhere scary.

Hannah: Why was it scary, daddy?

Me: Oh, it was just dark and I couldn't see very well.

Hannah: Can I help you see, daddy?

Me: Sure, Hannah.

Hannah (jumping up and running): Let me go find a flashlight!

Even More Malapropisms

Hannah went on a field trip yesterday to Columbus, Ga. When she found out about it earlier in the week, she came home to tell Julie.

Hannah: I'm going on a field trip mama.

Julie: Where?

Hannah: To George's!

Au Contrarianism, Part Troix

Hannah: Mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama mama ...

Julie: Stop saying mama!

Hannah: OK, Julie.

Poker? I barely know 'er!

Hannah: Daddy, what are you playing on your phone?

Me: Poker.

Hannah: What do you poke it with?

Non-compliance

Me: Hannah can you tell mama what happened in that video?

Hannah: No I don't want to I'm special.

Breakfast at Tiffany's

Hannah: I want a diamond ring.

Julie: Why?

Hannah: To wear to school

Growing Pains

Me: You need to sleep in your bed Hannah, so you can be a big girl.

Hannah: I don't want to be a big girl.

Life, in Pictures

Hannah, ~5:53 p.m. CDT; Friday, Aug. 10, 2007


Hannah, ~5:53 p.m. CDT; Wednesday, Aug. 10, 2011


Time sure flies.

Who Lives In A Pineapple Under The Sea?

Libby Cottrell! (apparently)



Hannah was looking at Libby's new teeth today and said:

"Libby has two teeth like Spongebob!"

That led to Julie becoming Sandy the Squirrel (who Hannah apparently thinks is a skunk) and me becoming Mr. Krabs, leading to these exchanges.

Julie: Can I have a kiss, Hannah?

Hannah: No, I don't kiss skunks.

And:

Me: Wanna snuggle with me, Hannah?

Hannah: No, I don't snuggle with crabs.

You Had Me At Hello

We went to Sam's Club a few days ago and Hannah really loved it. Today she was asking to go back.

Me: What was your favorite thing about Sam's Club?

Hannah: Going there.

Hannah, M.D.

Julie and Hannah were stuffing bags with gummies for party favors at Hannah's birthday party, and I ate a few.

Hannah: Don't eat too many or your tummy will get a headache!

Be Yourself

Some girl at the park: Let's pretend to be pirates!

Hannah: No, I like to be Hannah.

A Father's Worst Nightmare ...

Me: Why are you naked, Hannah?

Hannah: Cause I took all my clothes off.

This just in

Me: Do you like my jokes, Hannah?

Hannah: Mmhmm.

...

Hannah: I like my jokes better, though.

Courage

Libby was pitching a little bit of a fit while I tried to change her clothes this morning. Hannah decided to reassure her.

"Be brave, Libby. Like a mermaid," she said, as she stroked Libby's hair.

Kings Play Cards On Fat Green Stools

We had some taxonomic confusion last night.

Julie: What's your favorite vegetable, Hannah?

Hannah: Strawberries.

Julie: Those are fruits. What's your favorite vegetable?

Hannah: ... I like fruit.

Know Where You Stand ...

Me: Hey Hannah, guess what?

Hannah: What?

Me: I love you very much.

Hannah: I love mama.

Me: You love me too!

Hannah: Nuh uh.

Me: I'm your favorite daddy, aren't I?

Hannah: Noooo.

Me: Well who's your favorite daddy, then?

Hannah: Mama.

Sweetness

Julie: Will you still want to snuggle with me when you're 16, or when you're 20, or when you're 30?

Hannah: I promise!

Ticket To Ride

"I'm Lightning McQueen and I. Don't. Have. Any. Hands!"

We're going through a Cars phase.

Careful what you wish for ...

Hannah: I wish my tee-tee was pink.

Hmm

Me: Come snuggle with me Hannah maybe you can make my hiccups go away.

Hannah: No! I'm not a magician!

Flea Circus

Julie was trying to put a pony-tail holder on Hannah, but it snapped. When Hannah saw the little string lying there, these were her thoughts:

"That looks like a jump rope for ants."

Metamorphosis

I'm not sure what brought this on, but while we were eating dinner, Hannah looked at me and said:

"Daddy, if you were a Coke I would drink you."

Julie and I of course thought this was hilarious, so Julie kind of egged her on to say more. these are what came next.

If daddy was a flower, I would smell him.

If daddy was a shirt, I would wear him.

If daddy was a plate, I would lick him.

If daddy was a headband, I would bend him

If daddy was a box, I would open him and see what’s inside.

If daddy was food, I would eat him.

If daddy was a monster, I would say ahhhhhhhhhhh

No Pain No Gain

Hannah woke up this morning with a crick in her neck. She'd never had one before, so it scared her a bit and she freaked out. She finally calmed down after a while, but she didn't totally understand what we were telling her was wrong.

"I don't like a quick in my neck it hurts and I'm scared!"

PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME

Me: What's your favorite food, Hannah?

Hannah: Jelly ... and peanut butter ... and jelly and peanut butter sandwich!

Planes, Trains & Automobiles

We were telling Hannah that she was going to visit Granny, and she got a bit confused.

Hannah: You're going, mama?

Julie: No, I'm staying here with Libby.

Hannah: But I want you to go!

Julie: Aw, why?

Hannah: Cause I can't drive by myself!

Sad

Well, last week we had our first big boo-boo.

Hannah and I were playing around in a hotel, and I was throwing her up and letting her land on the bed. She came down awkwardly one time and wound up with a small fracture in her elbow.

While at the emergency room Sunday night (after she finally calmed down) she had a few funny observations.

"Daddy, you're not gonna throw me anymore ever again."

(To the nurses) "My daddy said he's not ever gonna throw me again."

"My doctor never takes pictures of my bones."

"Why you put socks on my arm?"

She got a sling that night in Pensacola, then got a cast Wednesday in Opelika.

It's hard, and I'm feeling pretty guilty. But Hannah's being a real trooper about it.

There's no accounting for taste

I was watching Libby today while Julie and Hannah went shopping.

She had just been playing on the floor while I was watching TV and checking a few things on the computer.

Well she got mad for a second and I picked her up. She then looked at the TV and saw ESPN's Joe Schad (whose fake Twitter account might give you a good idea of how ridiculous he is if you don't already know). She then burst into laughter and started swiping at the TV.

Isn't that the truth?

Hannah: Come here, daddy!

Me: Hold on, I'm heating up my sandwich. Chill out.

Hannah: I don't want to chill out today. I don't like chilling out.

Is there such a thing as too much imagination?

Hannah: I'm a suitcase, mama!

Julie: What's inside you, suitcase?

Hannah: Ummmmmm ... panties and pink things!

Please Please Me

Hannah: Granny come here!

Granny: What is it Hannah?

Hannah: I need something.

Granny: What do you need, Hannah?

Hannah: You!

Justice League

Hannah: Libby's a superhero Mama.

Julie: What's her superhero name?

Hannah: Umm ... Raccoon Girl!

Julie: Are you a superhero, too?

Hannah: Mmhmm.

Julie: What's your superhero name?

Hannah: Ummmmmmm ... Gym Girl!

Misunderstandings

Hannah got into a fireant bed and got a few bites on her feet this afternoon when we got home. This is what she had to say about it.

"Those ants thought my feet was food!"

Umm, OK?

Hannah: When I grow up I'm going to eat cottage cheese with you, mama.

I'm smart enough, I'm good enough, and doggone it, people like me

Hannah: Everyone has talents.

Julie: What's your talent, Hannah?

Hannah: Reaching for the stars.

You talkin' to me?

Last night I was trying to tickle Julie, who was desperately telling me to stop. Hannah decided to stick up for her.

"You think that's funny, Daddy? It's not!"

Making amends

Hannah got in trouble at pre-school Tuesday. She was not very nice to one of her teachers. We told her she had to apologize when we got there today.

Hannah: I sorry Miss Barbie.

Barbara: That's OK, Hannah.

-they hug-

Hannah: I gonna be a sweet girl today not a animal.

Barbara: Well, that's good.

Hannah: Mmhmm.

One Girl, Two Cups

Shame

I'm not sure how it happened, but it seems one song can always soothe Libby.

I've sang it to her to keep her from crying.

I've sang it to her to get her to go to sleep.

I've sang it to her to get her to take her medicine.

How this song came to my mind is a mystery, but Libby sure loves it.

Here it is.

I don't know

Me (making fun a goofily-named store): It's Fashion!

Hannah: It's Faster Donuts! It's Faster Donuts! IT'S FASTER DONUTS!

That's illegal in all 50 states

Hannah: Please I get married today?

Julie: Who would you get married too?

Hannah: Mama and daddy.

Dos Mundos

Hannah and Julie were outside playing today, when the neighbors' annoying yappy Yorkies started barking at them.

"Are those dogs speaking Spanish?" Hannah asked.

Hey!

I haven't been around Hannah much lately, so presenting a couple facebook posts from Julie:

listening to abbey road and i ask hannah if she likes the beatles. she says "no i like the ladybugs."

instead of saying hola, hannah literally says "hello in spanish."

Boooooooo

While driving to school this morning and listening to Hannah's children's songs CD (for the millionth time), I sang "Hey Diddle Diddle" with the CD.

Hannah (with a blank look on her face and after a long pause): Don't sing.

Growing up is hard to do

Hannah: Look, Daddy!

Me (seeing that she had stuck Play Doh all over her face): You can't stick Play Doh on your mouth are you crazy?

Hannah: Big girls do that sometimes.

Don't tread on me

Hannah had quite a time over Christmas with a couple of Nativity sets we had.

I thought I had put them all in the attic, but it turns out she had taken one and hidden it in her step stool, which has a door to put things in.

After her bath I was getting her to get up on it so I could brush our teeth, when this happened:

Hannah: Baby Jesus is in there.

Me: What?

Hannah (opening the door): Look!

Me: Oh. He is in there.

Hannah: I close the door so I don't step on Baby Jesus.

Me: Yeah you shouldn't step on Baby Jesus, that'd be bad.

Hannah: He not like it! He be crying! Waaaaaah

Au Contrarianism, Part Deux

Julie: You wanna take a nap with me, Hannah?

Hannah: No. I wanna be awake with you.

Young love

We went to a birthday party for Hannah's friend Rhema on Sunday. Hannah loves Rhema, who she calls "Rainbow," and is also obsessed with Rhema's older brother, Ezra.

While we were at the party, Ezra went outside to play. After a while, Hannah decided she wanted to go out and play with him. I took her to put on her jacket and shoes, and this is what she told me:

"I like Ezra so so so much."

"He's a sweet boy."

Hoop Dreams

Hannah and I went to Auburn's basketball game Saturday.

I told her late that morning we'd be going, and she proceeded to spend the next six hours asking me if she could have a) a hot dog with mustard, and b) "skippers" (Skittles).

here she is once she finally got those skippers (notice her cheeks poking out with them)


She got a little bored in the second half until she noticed a 5-year-old boy sitting in front of us. once she finally got his attention he told her his name. She responded "I'm Hannah with an H"

On the way home I asked Hannah if she liked the basketball game.

"Uh huh. Sometimes I just want to stay here," she said.

Happy New Year!

Me: What's your New Year's resolution Hannah?

Hannah: Ummmmmmmmmmmmmm ... Cookie.

That's a good place to put it

Julie: Did Hannah eat her meatloaf?

Me: Yeah, unless she hid it somewhere I can't see.

Hannah: It's in my mouth!